Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
