On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize