we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
