Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
