Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
