She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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