Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
