i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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