he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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