You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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