I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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