i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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