saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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