Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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