I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
