dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i need some magic done to my vagina
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
