Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
