Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
