when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
