i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
