he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize