I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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