you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
