sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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