Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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