At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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