dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
