Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just threw up on my dentist
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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