ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
