HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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