awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
