He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I cut my penus on the lid.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
