roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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