im six kinds of drunk right now
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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