i need an iv and a liver transplant
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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