i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
