put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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