Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
