If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
