I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
