Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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