your room smells of hookers.
And success
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
