dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
