that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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