dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you had me at cake vodka
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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