The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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