Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
