You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize