At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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