What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
