I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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