Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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