If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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