I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
