When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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