If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize