There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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