im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Porn is love you can see.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
