Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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