we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
