Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
