8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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