I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
smell my finger.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize