with your own penis?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
