i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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