Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
