i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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