i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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