its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize