New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
