He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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