Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
