is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
