I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
