last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
