Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
