hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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