I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Green mimosas i think yes
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
