Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize