If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
