I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
