how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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