This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
