quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i was born a porn star she said
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
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