College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
