My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
