Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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