I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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