I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
