So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
