Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
