please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
