He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
