i think i have two assholes
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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