How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
