i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
