You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
