Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
