Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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