We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
