Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Green mimosas i think yes
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
