I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
