i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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