I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You ruined the universe
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