Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
