the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
