i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
