She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
