I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she looked like the before picture.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You pole danced in your parka.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
