Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
is wine microwaveable?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
