Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
