All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize