Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
