He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
